Friendship Singles

Does your friendship change with your single friends?

My friend recently got married and she said she had a conversation with her mother about friendships after you get married. They're both convinced that your friendships you have with your single friends will change. I'm not exactly sure what would change. Your availability, yes. But what else? Has anyone grown apart from their friends or their relationship change with their single friends? Was it a good change or bad? Does it have to be different?

Public Comments

1. Maybe its the intrest that you both have. like she has a husband now so her responsibilities change with marriage but with single friends things are different with the responsibilites. so maybe its awkward. nope it hasnt happened to me hope i helped some.
2. My relationship with my single friends has changed, and I'm not even married! I might as well be, we've been inseparable for over 3 years...of course, it might be related to the fact that we've been through a high school to college transition together. I don't think it has to be different, but I'm not a very social person in general, so I tend to just stay in and spend time with him. We're trying to work on getting out more though, so even if it does change, you have the power to change it back. You have control over your relationships.
3. Both my wife and I (married 2 years as of next March) grew apart from friends after we got married. I have a standing appointment with my best friend to hang out every other Sunday. If it wasn't for that (and we don't even always manage to pull that off) I probably wouldn't see him for months at a time. It's sad, but you're entering a different phase in your life. You don't have much in common any more with single friends, so you feel alienated by being married, and they feel either ashamed of still being single or pity you for being married - either way it negatively impacts the relationship. Part of life is rolling with what comes up, so don't be afraid to make new friends that are in a more mature part of their life than your single friends.
4. I live with my fiance, and I have for 4 months. Its pretty much the same thing as being married, and my friendships have stayed the same with my single friends.
5. For years, my friends have been marrying off and, yes, our friendship has changed. We don't go out as much or talk as much as we used to. Similarly, when I got engaged the same thing happened with my single friends. I don't love them any less but we are all at different points in our lives and it's sometimes hard to relate to. My friends who started marrying years ago now sit around and talk about their children, preschool, child birth, etc. and I just don't relate to their conversations anymore.
6. My social life has absolutely changed after I got involved with my husband - no question about it. When I was single, I used to see my friends very frequently. My best friend lived 5 min away, and we used to get together 2-3 nights a week at least - often on a short notice (she would call and invite me for dinner, or ask me if I wanted to go to the store together or something). I was also involved in a group studying historical swordplay, and I'd drive up to take lessons once or twice a week (a 2-hr drive each way). In addition, I had a group of friends who liked to get together and play videogames all night, and I hung out with them often (several times a month). All of this changed when I met my husband and we became seriously involved (we moved in together after 3 months of dating). Truth be told, I'm a hermit at heart. I like spending quiet time alone. But when I was single, being alone often led to being lonely. So I engaged with my friends - because I enjoyed it, for sure, but a big part of it was trying to ward off the loneliness. When my husband and I got together, all of a sudden I found my best friend being right there with me; my need for external interaction has diminished dramatically. I always tell my husband that he satisfies all of my social and emotional needs - and it's true. I still see my friends every once in a while, but now it's more like planning a couple of weeks in advance to get together one night; I only see my best friend maybe 3-4 times a year. And, of course, you naturally grow apart when you don't see the person very often, and when there's not as much spontaneity in a friendship. But this is just me - it's different for everyone. I certainly *could* maintain a busier social schedule; I just choose not to. How your interactions with your friends will change when you're married really depends on your personality, your needs, the dynamics of your friendships and your relationship. No two situations are the same. P.S. My best friend is married, btw. Generally, I had as many married friends as single friends, and when I was single, my married friends were kind of like my substitute family - i.e., I always spent holidays with them etc. Now that I'm married, I feel that I have finally come into my own - I have my own family to make plans with. So it didn't really matter so much if my friends were single or married - my interaction with all of my friends has diminished dramatically.
7. It really depends on the nature of your relationship with your friends prior to getting married. Friendship are affected by any major change in your life. You lose some friends after high school when you choose different paths. Similarly, you may lose some friends after getting married. For me, I'm still close with my oldest and best friends. I don't feel like our relationship has changed all that much. We think of each other as family and my husband gets along well with all of them. On the other hand, before my relationship with my husband got really serious, I had a number of "party" friends. They were single friends I would go out drinking with. Our friendship was never super close - it was just based on having a good time. I'm not nearly as close with those friends now. We just don't have that much in common anymore. My husband's relationships with his friends is similar. He still hangs out with his close single friends but not so much the single bar-hoppers. Also, we've found new friends. We love going out with other married couples.
8. I think that when you are the one that gets married and you intereact with single friends, it there will be a slight change...as well as any other big step in your life (kids, moving, etc.). I think if you were true friends with them, you would still keep in contact with them..which I do all the time with my friends and family that live out of state. I think that some of my single friends don't understand me on some level just because they haven't gone to that point in their life, but I know it's just a matter of time before they are married as well and will know what I'm talking about. I believe that when you get married, you can either grow apart or grow with your friends. If there are too many differences and they weren't true friends to begin with, the relationship will eventually fade. But lucky for me, my friends and I still call each other now and then and I still catch up with them. It all depends on your relationship prior to the marriage, and how close you are to them now.
9. I guess it depends what type of couple you too are and what type of friendship you and your fiance have. My friendships have changed. Me and my fiance are totally inseparable. But me and my friends used to go out to clubs and parties and that stuff that your really shouldn't do without your significant other. On the other hand taking your spouse or fiance everywhere can get annoying for your friends. Both of our friends are annoyed with us (especially his friends) but they better get used to it. We come as a pair :)
10. Friendships have definitely changed for me since I got married but not necessarily for the worse. I have a friend who is going through a rather unpleasant divorce (husband was verbally abusive) and that one is a little awkward, I sometimes feel guilty being so happy when I'm around her. On the flip side I have a male friend who was the ultimate bachelor, since I got married and he has seen how happy I am he is considering proposing to his girlfriend. It gets worse when you have kids though :)
11. My relationships have definitely changed with my single friends. I never want to bring my fiance along because I worry they will be the 3rd wheel, and other friends get angry I choose my FIANCE over them! Haha, seems silly.
12. Yes it definitely changed. I only had 1 single girlfriend, my husband didn't have any - and I no longer see her now. We still email but she has a variety of health problems that make it difficult, plus once I got married she got an extremely pessimistic attitude about marriage simply because everyone around her was getting hitched except for her. She's still at 34, never married. I've been married for 3 years now.